Monday, September 27, 2010

32 and Then Some (In Human Years)

 Top Five Ways I Have Been So Rudely Reminded that I'm 32

5.)   I really need to get my Braille tattoo touched up, but now I'm hesitant due to concerns about cleanliness and blood born pathogens. I've had it since I was 19 years old, and only touched it up once around the age of 22. When I was 19, a long slow painful death due to Hepatitis was the last thing I was worried about. Besides, stuff like that could never happen to me! I call it a Braille tattoo because it scarred quite a bit, and the only bright side of the situation that I could come up with was that if I ever married a blind man, he would know I had a little butterfly tramp stamp just as well as any seeing individual would. It's sort of an equal opportunity tattoo in that way. I should clarify that the term "tramp stamp", to my knowledge, was not yet created when I got this tattoo, and Brittney Spears did not then have one. If you are assuming I blame the creation of the term "tramp stamp" and the explosion of the trend on Brittney Spears, give yourself a pat on the back. You are correct. Thanks a lot, Brittney. Try to come up with your own tattoo trend next time. Anyway, I have a butterfly with only one antenna now, and I really want to get it touched up, but I don't know if any places around here are clean and reputable enough! I guess the older we get, the more familiar we become with mortality and illness, and the more we want to avoid it if possible!

4.)    Clothes that were in style when I was a kid are in style again.....and I think a lot of them look really unflattering and, well, stupid. The best example of this is the text my stepdaughter sent me with a picture of her new "fake" glasses. You guessed it, they are the huge, dark rimmed, "nerd" glasses minus the white tape. I have a hideous picture of myself at her age in a pair of burgandy ones, and I cannot believe they are back in style. I did my best to hold my tongue, and of course, she looks cute in everything, but good gravy! Those glasses are hideous. At least big bangs don't go along with them this time around. Oh, you know who else has a pair? Brittney Spears. 

3.)  Everything hurts, and I'm pretty sure I've got early onset Alzheimer's disease, but I can't remember why just this second. P.S. TICKTOCK! TICKTOCK! FERTILITY CLOCK! Enough said.

2.)   I have no idea how to dress myself anymore. I feel like women in their thirties are completely ignored. We have no clubs, no magazines, and certainly no guidebooks. It's sort of a lost period between the crazy fun twenties and the liberating and empowering "who gives a crap what anyone thinks of me" forties. Listen forty somethings, if that's not what it feels like, I don't want to know! Just let me have something to look forward to, okay?
     I suspect this hidden decade exists because most women in their thirties are too busy climbing ladders and raising children, but neither of those things apply to me yet, so I'm basically just frumpy and invisible. I mean, I can't dress like a twenty something hoochie mamma, and I don't want to look like an old maid, so how do I dress? What is appropriate for a thirty two year old? You tell me, and then tell me where to get it cheap.

    1.)    I've lost my "edge". A few weeks ago, I went to get my friend a cool "True Blood" T-shirt at a store called Hot Topic in the Huntington Mall. At the check out, this little punk wannabe (he probably doesn't even know who the Sex Pistols are) with a fur hat on (in 90 degree weather, mind you- don't even get me started about the hormone issues again) says to me, unable to keep a straight face, "Do y-you, huh, heh huh, have an HT1 card, heh huh?" I was like, "What am I, a schoolmarm?! How do you know I don't have an HT1 card? Maybe I shop in here all the time, you little s**t! I am punk on the inside, okay? More punk than you'll even be!" Of course what I actually said was, "No. No, I don't have an HT1 card as this is only the second time I've been in this store. No thank you. I don't need one because I so rarely come in here, unless I'm buying a gift for my young stepdaughters." Yep. The coolness has left the building.

****Thanks for visiting "Stories From My Attic". Come back and bring some friends! By the way, I am a Vemma brand partner, and highly recommend you check out this website to learn about what you're missing out on!  C'mon! I don't ask for much, and I try to entertain you, don't I?! I said try! Peace, love, light, and may God bless you all.   -MJ


  1. When you find out how to dress for our age, please let me know. I go between trying to be trendy (but end up looking like a hoochie momma with too tight clothing) and a senior citizen with fluffy sweaters. Someone needs to help us! LOL

  2. #5) Tat'Nice Tattoos is Huntington (right beside the Happy Camper on 4th Ave... a block or two before Marshall). Andy has been going there for years (and at some points, every 3 weeks, to finish his "sleeves"). Matt is the guy he goes to, but Billy Bean owns the shop.

    #3) I have no sense of style. I shop at the same places I did when I was in high school, which can say one of two things... 1) I don't dress my age or 2) I've been dressing like a late 20 something since I was 14. Gap, Ann Taylor, Talbots, and J.Crew (this is assuming I can fit into these sizes). And these websites have some really good online sales.

    1). Just because you don't have a HT1 card, doesn't mean you've lost your edge. If it makes you feel any better, it took me about 8 minutes to figure out what "Hot Topics" was when I read this. ha!

    I so enjoy your blog. Just so you know. :)

  3. About the night club thing... I just realized that if I need to get my "dance on", I have to close my curtains and do it alone now!! What do people our age do? Also, it was in Hot Topic the first time I was ever called MAM!! I think a piece of me died that day! :p

  4. Ha! Love you girls! You get it! You really do! Thanks for the suggestions! XOXO

  5. Love to read your blog...I wish you would post twice a day!

    Andddd.....when you decide how we should dress please tell me! Seriously, I have no style! Hmmm...I think we should apply for a makeover show! Love ya!